The plant that ate the Alamo

Initially, I was just so thrilled that I got a plant to actually stay alive that I didn't notice the insidious nature of it. It's called a "moonflower vine," and for the low, low price of $6.98 I wasn't expecting a whole lot. It surprised me. Now it's concerning me. I took some pictures to show you. I'd describe the moonflower vine so you could be certain you're looking at the right plant, but as you'll notice it's the ONLY potted plant that isn't dead or dying, and also it looks poised to eat my house, so I trust you'll figure it out.

It starts out innocently enough:

But it's got two main branches, one of which winds down the stair railing:

And the other, which has stretched up onto the porch, behind the gate:

and up the side of the iron gate/door thing:

Mind you I'm not doing anything to influence how it grows and what it climbs up. I pulled it off the gate a couple of times, but I gave up.

I didn't know what it was up to, but the horrible realization is beginning to sink in. This thing has set itself up so it can shut the gate, turning my porch into a cage, and lock me in (or out of) my own house! Yeah, there's a back door I can escape through, but I get the feeling if I let this thing continue its uncontrolled growth it'll wind its way around the house and block that off as well. It's got a third branch beginning to sprout, which I assume will wind directly into my bedroom and strangle me during the night. Did I mention I bought this thing as a tiny little sprout and I've only had it for two or three months? The fucker's exponential.

Oh, and since I could never be content to be paranoid about just one thing, I've got:

TWO of them!

I swear, my house is a horror movie waiting to happen
- v -

PS - if you don't know me, I call my house the Alamo. Ah, now the subject line makes sense, you're thinking.